i had a gold card status of this defective behavior

do you ever sometimes find it hard to be naturally happy for some one else's success..do you find yourself deliberately bashing and wanting to sabotage somebody else metaphorical parade because it was them instead of you on that beautiful float getting and receiving all the attention..what is that and why do we tend do it when some one other than ourselves is shining in the light and rightfully so too..why is it so fucking hard for some people to be generally happy and supportive applauding work well done instead of snickering like jealous resentful idiots.. why do we behave and act like "as if our lives suck" because of the advancement of others taking it so personal and to heart being a total Debbie downer when it has absolutely nothing to do with us at all..such a polluted narcissistic way of thinking..I have to admit though in my truth if im wring this, that I have on occasion participated in this style of behavior shamefully so..I even think i had a gold card status of this defective behavior, seething at the seems while I sat back and did nada, nothing to release myself from this funky fucked up place I was once a resident in..its really easy to loath and hate somebody else who has their shit together while you are a blubbering idiot of a mess trapped in your own darkness looking outward with a highly dysfunctional perception..sometimes while we are swimming in our pool of self contamination, we feel just to try to infect everyone else with our personal poison believing it will effect them the way it is intoxicating us.. we believe that by doing so will change and alter an outcome that we feel deserves to be changed because of where we are currently occupying in the field of weeds..we think everyone should be suffering the effects of our own shortcomings and suffer the catastrophes of our ways because misery loves a full table of company feeding off each others shit..the truth is, we all wired for greatness, especially when our cords are untangled and plugged into the right cables of life..and the ironic thing is sometimes when we are fucked up we have a tendency to view things that might not even be valid and correct because of the hell hole that we are currently occupying nicely in..we judged with a bias, based on what we visually look at with our mental state of mind, and not what we see  when we are with clarity and love..sometimes its all an illusion simply making you look more like an asshole because your so far up your own ass to witness the authentic truth of any bodys journey..jealousy is a very bad thing to be involved in and one you should emancipate yourself from..so how do you begin to over come this self infectious behavior? you first and foremost start by owning it, claiming it as something you subscribe to while becoming aware of it..you start by figuring out the roots to this unhealthy persona and how it became apart of your personality..you begin by finding healthier solutions to behavior that is self destructing and alienating and ASK FOR HELP..you start to change the places you take up space and maybe start to appreciate the beautiful achievements of others and use it as a tool for your own personal assentation becoming inspired and driven..opportunities are abundant for everyone when you can get out of your own way, you are your own problem, not any body else, only you..celebrate those around you who rightfully deserved to be recognized for their greatness, there really I so much to go around for all..allow it the gift of rubbing of on you plugging into something profoundly positive creating a universal shift in your own person success and water it into your garden of growth..be inspired by those who you admire giving them credit where credit is do and relish in the knowledge and wisdom you begin to subscribe to that is elevating and nourishing to your path..one day you WILL be the pillar of hope for those who are walking in the footsteps from behind, inspired by the transformation and authenticity of your journey! peace love faith hope