the artful moment of a goodbye
there is no true skill within the artful moment of a goodbye..it is an emotion that clogs up your spiritual capacity to think clearly and looms a cloud of heaviness over and around your kingdom of self leaving you to chock back the emotional smog that you don't want to endure at any given moment..because pain really does hurt behind the toothy smile..it has never gotten easier the amount of times I have had to breath in and let out these words from the depths of my mother soul to my child as she leaves again and again and again..flight is essential for our personal and spiritual growth which is the saving grace to each and ever capsule moment I get to enjoy in her beloved company..i want her to FLY BEAUTIFULLY being her own illuminate self..life is never promised to us and time is all we truly have at the moment we are given it, so use it most wisely and preciously..I have learned over my life span to find storage places within my emotional beings of happenings, that I tend fit my feeling in that im not ready to deal with until I am safely in a place I can allow myself to unravel..for personal reasons I behave this way..maybe its my way of self protection or a sense of control when I feel like im emotionally uncontrollable and unstable due to the severity of emotions that I have to deal with..there is no harder word to bear than that of when you must say goodbye to someone you love..whether if its for the time being or something that is forever past a day long, it is still attached to the same energy line of emotional electricity that sends waves of trauma to your soul..for that spit second, it feels like it is a death of a moment that is now being created into a memory..your heart hurts, and is temporarily spiritually paralyzed from the sensations that are shooting around your body creating pings of pain in physical places giving it a truth to its life force demanding you to step into it and just be..even if its the hardest stand you have to step into..I went after work today to visit my husband at his work, because I know he has the antidote to my pain, and gives me the things I need without me ever having to ask..he knows how I operate as I say I must leave and go home because the tears are no longer subjected to the muscle strength that is now weakening , so I can mourn the loss I am feeling with my dignity intact and in the comfort of the space that is beyond sacred to the essence to which I live..grief is cathartic to the loss we feel at the moment it is happening..our body works in waves allowing us to purify and cleanse the stagnate emotions we hold on to when we don't want to let go of them..for whatever reason..when you choose to stop your body from doing what it is supposed to do in these given circumstances it has the opportunity to build up emotional plaque that will only prohibit your flow through this process..so I purge my feelings with journaling and writing and then go to the gym to break this shit down so I can let go of it with a feeling of peace as I work it out the best way I know how..wishing our beautiful daughter shezaf a beautiful flight back to her other home, a joy in her heart that pushes her through the toughest darkest times during combat training, DIVINE PROTECTION, kicking some more ass in her course while making it gracefully to the finish line bravely..see you on the other side pumpkin..peace love faith hope