I Never Knew How Abused I Was Until I Began To Heal.

 I go to my healer every couple of weeks for overall self care, just like you would take your car to the gas station for fuel, I take my mind body & spirit to a healer.  Its a way for me to take care of my over self, unwind, connect, feel, talk, cry & have someone untangle the energetic strings that sometimes get all mixed up.  During this 90 minute process, I feel by the end an overall reboot to my spirit & psyche, flowing is sensations of an electrical charged that is fueled with divine loving energy.I embodied the theory of when you are no longer willing to tolerate something anymore, is when you will notice your life begin to change.  What isn't really spoken about is how the change will impact you (good, bad or indifferent) & alter the world around you, creating a shift that you might not be mentally prepared for yet unknowingly already awaken spiritually too.Sometimes it is the work of the ego that makes us hold on to that role of the victim for dear life because it seems safe in its own distorted truth.  Based on my upbringing I could have naturally found myself down that rabbit hole, attaching all the exterior vocabulary words used to describe me & its currant situations becoming ashamed, humiliated while hating myself as a mom & as a person.Instead I chose to really dig in deep & begin to heal the exterior attachments that held these ideas & beliefs that were never mine to carry.  What I learned is how important it is to give yourself the gentle permission & nudge to feel positive emotions in the times of unhappy circumstance.  This is beneficial & crucial for engaging the profound energetic frequency that begins to restore what has been tampered with, sending messages to the brain that begins to positively effect the rest of the body.I have learned so much from my daughter leaving this time around (she moved out over 6 months ago) that I wasn't capable of learning & seeing before, simply out of my own constructed fear.  In the past when I felt abandoned by her I would cry myself to sleep, horribly ashamed while silently punishing myself for being such a failure.  The voices that once haunted the emptiness within my own unhealed being, mimicking the words of my fucked up mother are now finally dismantled & have evaporated.I never truly knew how abused I was until I began to heal.  This sacred personal work is prudent & detrimental to me, my husband, my daughter & the future legacy that follows.  I decided that my children deserved a healthier loving legacy than the one I got adopted into, filled with secrets, lies, distorted beliefs & with its own legacy of unhealed trauma that brewed resentment & anger camouflage to come across as love.In the end YOU do have a choice.  Its up to you to decide how long you play the blame game with others before you reinvest in your own inventory & choose to subscribe to a healthier life.  Accountability holds the key to most common denominators & what I learned is that it doesn't take away what happened to me or excuse it when I make my own self accountable.  It simply allows for you to reclaim your life from the people who were necklace with it & a begin to build the bridge back to your self that requires the attention & healing it needs.  Peace Love Faith Hope <3 <3 <3