beauty, Bodywork, business, connection, crystal healing, crystals, energy medicine, energy vampires, enlightenment, friendship, healing, intention, Kabbalah, life journey, love, manifestation, meditation, Mother Nature, narcissistic abuse, new age, Occult, personality disorder, preventative medicine, relationship, shame, social media, souladvice, being authentic, blogging, fealess living, humanity, humor, keeping it real, kindness, life, light seeker, relationships, spiritual awakening, spirituality, truth
Comments
I never truly knew how abused I was until I began to heal. This sacred personal work is prudent & detrimental to me, my husband, my daughter & the future legacy that follows. I decided that my children deserved a healthier loving legacy than the one I got adopted into, filled with secrets, lies, distorted beliefs & with its own legacy of unhealed trauma that brewed resentment & anger camouflage to come across as love.
Read MoreIt was in that dreadful moment that I wasn't chosen & disregarded that I realized I had to literally begin to mourn the loss of my living father who metaphorically died that day as my dad. I was horribly criticized by the flying monkeys of my narcissistic mother & ostracized from this family for apparently abandoning my "parents", even though it was them who let me go that day. They remain toxically comfortable in their victim mentality, using the story of their own distorted truth to narrate the fucked up dynamics of their broken family.
Read MoreSometimes you have to be selfish (you read that correctly) in the most genuine healthy way for your own self preservation, which goes against the nature of most people & personalities regardless of how you were raised. Im sure even the word SELFISH alone probably makes some, maybe even most feel utterly uncomfortable because it has such a negative mental inplantation connotation surrounding it.
Read MoreSometimes you have to be selfish (you read that correctly) in the most genuine healthy way for your own self preservation, which goes against the nature of most people & personalities regardless of how you were raised. Im sure even the word SELFISH alone probably makes some, maybe even most feel utterly uncomfortable because it has such a negative mental inplantation connotation surrounding it.
Read MoreI always felt haunted in my own body by the ghostly feeling of these unresolved bleeding wounds of being given away. Even as a grown woman, I still needed & wanted answers that only she had the power to relinquish over me. What would make a mother want to give their child away was a very big question I had, especially becoming a mother of my own adding more emotions to wounds that would never seem to heal.
Read MoreAfter some back & forth questions of my identity, the veil came down & together we embraced this unique reunion closing the circle to my biological mothers. For over a few years now we have been in contact, making the gap between us seem a bit smaller but today that is about to change. Jody (my aunt) is physically going to meet me this afternoon for the very first time & spend the week in Michigan getting know my family. This again is another circle closed by the sister of my biological parent that could never make the journey themself. Today Im going to meet my very own flesh & blood on my mothers side.
Read MoreI never once was taught from the early age of my adoption how to mourn & grieve my first initial loss that ended up effecting my entire life. I think because we are babies, the world around us was incapable of understanding the dynamics of this replacement mother/baby switch, believing we as children didn't have anything to grieve. Adoptees are looked upon as a blessing in someones else's life, while our own personal trauma from it goes unnoticed, ignored or dismissed, acting as if this loss never happened to us.
Read MoreI have watched you over this time navigate a path that came with out directions, into a family that has continued over time to diminish & take away the role that you became. Sometimes the universe unbeknownst to us, chooses the timing of a love to come into fruition regardless of the external forces, to teach its lessons in that kind of love. I believe we have always been chosen in each life together, to show the world around us, this intimate most beautiful lesson, as difficult & painful as it's been.
Read MoreI have suffered many forms of this abuse throughout my life, causing me to question the lack of love & self worth I once had. In some unconscious capacity, I believed I deserved to be treated in this destructive manner, being adopted, feeling so unlovable & not being able to actually see the marks of abuse upon my skin but rather feel them in the deepest places of my psyche. My earliest form of love came at the hands of my adopted narcissistic mother, so knowing any differently was never my option, till much later in life when I met my now husband.
Read More